Connections and Solitude

I was going to start by saying how long its been since i last wrote , but then i dismissed that because , well , i'm doing it at the start of every post . I should have wrote but i didn't because of many reasons . One of which is my unbelievable laziness , lack of proper technology to write with (i lost one humungous post that i put all my heart into because of bad internet connection and since then i've not felt like writing ) . Also, i might have leaked that i have such a website to a couple of people . It's not that I don't trust them but it takes away my sense of privacy . I couldn't write freely anymore . But honestly i don't care about that now . Although i hope that they don't let me down for i cannot lose faith in those very few people as i don't have faith in just about anyone . You will notice that i'm speaking in a sort of 19th century english . You have shakespear and arthur conan doyle (sherlock) to blame for that . I know , you must be think "this little shit is reading sherlock when she should be prepping for his boards ! " it's true and i know it too . My boards are coming up . And i'm barely BARELY prepared . I really am sacred . Though , if you see me now , you really won't feel that im sacred . Im the biggest slacker if there ever was one ! Just one month left . God help me ! Speaking of god , im apparently going for mass every day in the morning . You may think me a devotee but fret not . I'm being compelled by the principle of the school to go . Actually , i'll be honest , i kinda like the guy , he is better than the last guy and is going comparatively easier on me . What gives huh ? Okay enough about that . There are many things that happened and i should have written i didn't and there is no point in thinking about it . I'm not going to write it either . Unless i feel there is something interesting and important i should mention , i won't . So getting down to why i'm really writing this post today , because you know i only write when i'm sad or depressed or i really need to get something off my chest . [ Connections] You need connections . My god . You need connections . The old me , that is the me till 10th didn't have a lot of connections . And i don't blame him . I didn't need connections then , nor did that ever disturb me as all the connections i needed were there for me on the internet in the form of awesome shows and song and whatnot . But after i hit 11th i started gaining connections . Then i made a few friends and just sticked to them . I let all my other connections slide past . That was a huge mistake . I was under the impression that all you need are a few good friends and not a gazillion friends . But i was wrong !! The only result you'll get by just holding on to few friends is loneliness . Yeah , there are quite a lot of times i feel lonely . It's true , i made just a few good friends who're never around . Sigh . I hate being lonely . I seriously seriously hate it . I was like this once before too and i hated it then too . At the same time , i don't feel like i can associate with the normal guys now . I'm no model citizen and there's really nothing special about me , but i just can't seem to blend in with others now . See . . Lonely . It's my fault only . But there's no point in beating myself over it . And hence i made a decision to go out and make a few good friends . Not like how it is now .for keeps . Well , when i've dealt with the fucking boards i mean . But you know , they say you make the best of you're friends in college . That's true when you think about it you know . I hope i do get into some good college and make awesome friends . Knowing my attitude , that'll be tough . I'm really a normal pavam guy but i can't let others see that . :-P Well thats it . I'm tired of typing . Untill next post , bye .

The Catalyst Theory

The Catalyat Theory by "Topsy Kret"(that's me) .

Have you felt really depressed and don't know why ? Have you felt that everything around you annoys you and that no one likes you all if a sudden and you don't even know why?

Well , I think you know why . I think you know exactly why . And that reason is eating you up from the inside .  I call it the catalyst theory. 
Of course it's nothing new and people have already probably wrote loads of things about it but I personally felt the catalyst theory working for me plenty of times .

Basically, when you have particular problem, whatever it is (eg. Girl/Boy trouble ) and it's there deep in you're mind , it acts like a catalyst . Just like in a chemical reaction . A catalyst is used to increase the the rate of the reaction or speed up the reaction. Similarly , that particular problem will act as catalyst and and make you feel terrible . All your normal problems will be much much more depressing than they usually are . Maybe this has something to do with the magical woodoo habbabulooo that goes on in our brains . Who knows .

And another case I find interesting is that we don't even know what's the problem . Oh , but we do. We just don't want to face it . We completely blind ourselves to the problem.  Doesn't mean it goes away though. It may be because we don't know what to do about the problem or we can't do any thing about it or it's just too painful to face .

I've had this plenty of times . During the last one year . "That's" probably been my problem . Can't do anything about it though.

Anyway , I suggest fix the problem and be awesome again . No other solution . Don't take my word for it though, I'm crazy.

Well , I wanted to write this post more properly . And I could only do that with the emotions I was feeling when I came up with the idea . Right now , I don't feel anything . Another reason why I should not wait to write a post . 
Thats it . Adios.