Connections and Solitude

I was going to start by saying how long its been since i last wrote , but then i dismissed that because , well , i'm doing it at the start of every post . I should have wrote but i didn't because of many reasons . One of which is my unbelievable laziness , lack of proper technology to write with (i lost one humungous post that i put all my heart into because of bad internet connection and since then i've not felt like writing ) . Also, i might have leaked that i have such a website to a couple of people . It's not that I don't trust them but it takes away my sense of privacy . I couldn't write freely anymore . But honestly i don't care about that now . Although i hope that they don't let me down for i cannot lose faith in those very few people as i don't have faith in just about anyone . You will notice that i'm speaking in a sort of 19th century english . You have shakespear and arthur conan doyle (sherlock) to blame for that . I know , you must be think "this little shit is reading sherlock when she should be prepping for his boards ! " it's true and i know it too . My boards are coming up . And i'm barely BARELY prepared . I really am sacred . Though , if you see me now , you really won't feel that im sacred . Im the biggest slacker if there ever was one ! Just one month left . God help me ! Speaking of god , im apparently going for mass every day in the morning . You may think me a devotee but fret not . I'm being compelled by the principle of the school to go . Actually , i'll be honest , i kinda like the guy , he is better than the last guy and is going comparatively easier on me . What gives huh ? Okay enough about that . There are many things that happened and i should have written i didn't and there is no point in thinking about it . I'm not going to write it either . Unless i feel there is something interesting and important i should mention , i won't . So getting down to why i'm really writing this post today , because you know i only write when i'm sad or depressed or i really need to get something off my chest . [ Connections] You need connections . My god . You need connections . The old me , that is the me till 10th didn't have a lot of connections . And i don't blame him . I didn't need connections then , nor did that ever disturb me as all the connections i needed were there for me on the internet in the form of awesome shows and song and whatnot . But after i hit 11th i started gaining connections . Then i made a few friends and just sticked to them . I let all my other connections slide past . That was a huge mistake . I was under the impression that all you need are a few good friends and not a gazillion friends . But i was wrong !! The only result you'll get by just holding on to few friends is loneliness . Yeah , there are quite a lot of times i feel lonely . It's true , i made just a few good friends who're never around . Sigh . I hate being lonely . I seriously seriously hate it . I was like this once before too and i hated it then too . At the same time , i don't feel like i can associate with the normal guys now . I'm no model citizen and there's really nothing special about me , but i just can't seem to blend in with others now . See . . Lonely . It's my fault only . But there's no point in beating myself over it . And hence i made a decision to go out and make a few good friends . Not like how it is now .for keeps . Well , when i've dealt with the fucking boards i mean . But you know , they say you make the best of you're friends in college . That's true when you think about it you know . I hope i do get into some good college and make awesome friends . Knowing my attitude , that'll be tough . I'm really a normal pavam guy but i can't let others see that . :-P Well thats it . I'm tired of typing . Untill next post , bye .