Its been a while. I didn't write because I had lost the reason to write again . It's really pointless when you think about it . What's the point of all this anyway. Who the fuck is going to read all this . But alas, here I am. I'm not writing now because I found a reason to write. I didn't, attempt I think so . This is a really huge crossroad I'm at. I finished twelfth. My phone life is over ! Well, it's been over for a while. I mean it's halfway through June already. Oh god , how fast it all went by . I moved my home to thoduuzha about a month ago. Life here is miserable . It really is . I am fed up with doing nothing . There is no one here . The only thing I have to keep myself from going insane is my mobile phone and Internet. I didn't have that too , then god knows what my state would have been .
Anyway, I did decide where to go for college .it's where I had decided I wouldn't go even if someone told me to go by holding me at gunpoint. But when time started moving and knowing that I had shitty marks in my boards , I had little option. Sure enough I could have gotten in anywhere. But at that time I panicked . Well, whatever . I really don't care what happens .if decide to join visvajyothi college of engineering . The college is knows for its strictness . Yay!
I'll be joining it's hostel too. So I'm finally out the house . That's one of the things about this that I like . I don't have to stay here anymore . Oh thank god . I wouldn't have been able to handle it here anymore . There people cant stand me and I can't stand them. It's a win win . They should have put me in a hostel or something sooner . It would have saved me a lot of mental stress .
That aside , I am used to the idea that I can't see my old friends anymore by now . It's hard though . I will miss each and everyone of them . No matter how they may think about me . I wish it hadn't ended so soon . I still do chat with old friends but the talks are really bitter . I'm sorry if the things I say don't make sense . After all I'm the only one who knows what the heck in talking about . There are people I don't talk to too . Maybe it's my ego. I've had people tell me on several occasions that I have a huge ego . Maybe it's true . But I can't just dump my ego .
Anyway, everyone i know is moving on to their own paths . Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one behind , still thinking about the past . Maybe I am. As if it matters . I'm maybe just not happy with the choices in made . There are things going could have done much differently. It might have made a huge difference. I wonder that if the slightest action in made in the past resulted in what I am now or what connections in have now , if I had not done what I did , how things would have turned out . For example if I never became friends with Kevin. The yolos would have never been . Funny how things work . Sometimes I wonder if there never should have been a gang like that .
I think understand a bit about how I am . I search for a place . A place among people . People i belong with . I yearn for friends who would accept me for who I am . Friends who would think me as important as I think of them .
I guess I just want to be wanted . I've always longed for it . Till tenth grade I've never fit in anywhere . I was always alone . So when someone particular started paying me some attention . I went batshit crazy . Then in eleventh , I found friends I could belong with . It felt good . It got to my head . True , but can you blame me for having something I've always wanted ? Maybe it's because I let it get to my head that in the end . I never belonged . Other people obviously have their gazillion friends and gangs and people who they belong with . So the final idiot was me . None of that matters .
When I get to college , I'll just have to make some amazing friends . People my say that you're best friends are the ones you find in college . Who knows, possibilities . It should be better if I don't get my hopes up high because I've found that if I get my hopes up , it definitely won't happen .
I'm writing random things that come into my mind . So there really isn't any point in reading this . Truth is , this Blog was meant for me to write whatever I want . Anyway , I'll leave you for now .
To be continued. . .
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